Guess Who's Back?

Wow. Almost a year. Way to stick to something!

It's about 9:30am on a Sunday morning, Mother's Day actually. I'm sitting on my couch, in my apartment, listening to the coffee maker click in the kitchen, and embracing my total nerd-dom by watching "Battlestar Galactica." Milo is asleep on my bed. My feet are up. And I'm strangely content.

I made the decision all the way back in December to be happy. It was a long time coming. I guess I had started this when I moved to my new job. I realized things could be good in my life. I just had to be the one to make it happen. When Abby moved out, and Horrible Roommate moved in, it became clear to me that while getting my new job was certainly a large piece of the puzzle, I needed something else. So I moved out. And while that decision may come back and bite me in the ass in August, it was exactly what I needed. I live in a small studio in NYC, but it's my studio. All mine.

These days I generally just look around and think, ok, when is the other shoe going to drop? Because I'm so content. I just feel...happy. And it's bizarre. Because for years, while I was in the broad sense "ok," I wasn't really 100% there. I was still dealing with the aftershocks of D. I was trying to figure out who I was and where I was going. What I needed was to find a place where I could get to know myself again, to remember that I never had defined myself by a man, and would never do that again.

Thing is, I'm probably the most open to meeting someone right now. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I'm looking, or if I even really want it. Right now I'm loving having my own space (ok, Milo's space too). I wonder if on some level that isn't a good thing. Because the idea of someone coming in here and disrupting my peace...I don't know. It's hard for me to accept that. Yet I know deep down that if the right person showed up, I'd be ok. And if he doesn't show up? I'll be ok too.

So here I am. And here's my first blog post in forever. And maybe I'll actually try to write on this thing more because dammit, that felt good.